The sunrise is golden and lovely,
The birds chirp and twitter and tweet.
You woke me and asked for some breakfast,
So why the fuck won’t you eat ?

The bunnies are munching on carrots,
The lambs nibble grasses and bleet.
I know you’re too hungry to reason with,
But you have to fucking eat !

Your cute little tummy is rumbling,
And pancakes are your favorite treat.
I’m kind of surprised that you suddenly hate them,
That’s bullshit ! Stop lying and eat.

The giraffe plucks the tender young leaves up,
The mice snack on seeds and on wheat.
No sweetheart, I can’t make spaghetti,
The fucking meal’s served, time to eat.

If we were both pandas I’d know what to feed you,
But seafood is scary, we’re leary of meat.
Half the food in the market is probably toxic,
But fuck it, you still have to eat.

You’re not finished. And no !
You can’t go to school in pyjamas, a hat and bare feet.
Whatever ! Put shoes on and bring me your plate.
My whole diet’s the shit you won’t eat.

The sloth and the lemur, the chipmunk and cheetah,
The slow, the sleek and the fleet,
Share one thing, my love : they make less of a mess
Than you fucking do when they eat.

How was school, hon’ ?
Oh ! Your lunch box is full !
How are you not passed out in the street ?
How is it you’re smart ? How the hell are you growing
When you basically don’t fucking eat ?

You know who loves dinner ? The duckbilled platypus.
But I know I’m facing defeat.
This spoon feeding shit makes me wonder
Why the fuck we weened you from the teet.

I hope you know it’s super special to go to a restaurant.
Get back in your seat !
You shitting me ? This whole menu’s crap to you
But a roll on the floor, that you’ll eat ?

Yum, this looks great ! Five big bites, my darling.
Fine ! Three, but don’t try to cheat.
A lot of kids don’t get asparagus.
Show some fucking respect for them. Eat !

Oh, now you’re hungry ! Tough shit, kitchen’s closed.
Have some more milk. For me ? A scotch, neat.
Pancakes. Yeah right… It’s bedtime child,
It’s too goddamned late now to eat.

Okay, one pancake and that’s it.
You’re exhausting and I’m fucking beat.
And tomorrow we’ve got to rise early as roosters
To fight more about what to eat.

I’m pretty sure that you’re malnourished and scurvy.
My failure’s complete.
But on the bright side,
Maybe this is the night
You’ll go the fuck to sleep.